Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why, after a divorce, would one still want to ruin the other one’s life?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Why are there so many girls and not enough boys to follow?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have a reading level above third grade

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Undercover cops in New York are riding the subways with iPods on to entice robbery. Is that a form of entrapment? If not, why not?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

What is the gayest experience you have seen in prison?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

When was you wife swapping fantasy started?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Why do Indian parents force their kids to do stuff?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

What are the signs of mild autism in a child?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I actually pay taxes

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand how hurricane paths work

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I can read

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t buy bullshit

I can count

I see through liars

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability